He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
