Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
