If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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