: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
