if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
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