In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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