I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
