so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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