Plan B is the new Plan A
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
