Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
