I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
