If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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