If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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