i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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