I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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