His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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