How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
