and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
