I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
