Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
