Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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