u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
