I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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