You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
