It's Friday. Sex?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
