i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We don't watch enough power rangers
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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