Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
