the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
