So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
