Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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