I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
