I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
