32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
