I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
