is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Randomize
