We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm getting married
To pizza
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
