You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
