R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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