Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
