i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
