Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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