do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
