he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
