the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize