You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
