the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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