Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
