In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
