We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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