He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
