just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
