I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
love makes seman taste better
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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