alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
